on not writing

Coz



I AM tooo BUSY to feel & write what i feel

on what it takes to be just happy.

items of happiness

beer
girls
aliens on xbox
smoking pot
sexy girls
music
lap-dance
bike
pizza
fridays
birthday
phone calls
work
sleep
movies
neighbors
shops
birds
rain
the moon
solitude
fuck words
bathtub
fights
big tv
small tv
barbecue
india
cricket
photographs
chats
bus
jeans
credit card
US of A

All of them are at arms reach.
All but one.
A HUG.
thats all i need
to be just happy.

songs for now: saawariya
the story of saawariya is based on a short story -White Nights. do read this one. its beautiful!

on a BREAK

i

need

a



B R E A K

on wasted words

note: this blog is recommended for the fellow archi-kgpians , to take a break from the lazy midsem nights.




analyze this:

going thru ur album makes me feel
u r a
narcissist
everyone else on orkut is
but u r a dandy, a metro-sexual living in KGP
dont take the last one as a complement



& this:

know sweet heart.....i totally am a narcissist. and am going public. i would acknowledge a testi from from u ripping me apart. :P

a metrosexual.....that i still am trying to, no drive for it in such a place.

and am a foookin archi :P Hahahahha.... but i really am confused how far i hv to go this way.....





take a break............................



dodge this:

until u r outta of kgp
until you become unorgasmic when it comes to colors and aesthetics and architecture
until you come to know the whole world is run by Excel and owned by Microsoft
and that all we r is monkeys
some are rich monkeys with more bananas
so they try ridiculously diff things
and end up being nothing more than monkeys


& this:

cho chaad, and u thot ppl were thinking otherwis about u.

u neednt say we already know what a monkey u r

and so am i...but sad part u aint ne whr close to my league......way below...........hahahahahahaha





don't think for a while..................................



the final blow:

ur league?
u mean the grp that wanders about
fookin, licking and eating lices from each others hairs

i belong to the league whr
every monkey has a pc
and a car
and believe me everyday is so much fun
coz even if u show u r intelligent and all
u end up missing the peepot and wet the carpet
but does not give up on using either



& the slam:

my league......which wanders about hooking up with ne femme, we wish too.

instead of running from continent to continent and still ending up just licking desi lices. that too whos knows from which part of the body.

instead of bull shitting.....ooops monkey pottying all day before a loaned pc and carpooling with some more potheads.


who wins the conversation?

I.........................

COZ' I OWN THIS BLOG.

on the strange...something

No
It wasn't nostalgia. Neither was it solitude. or any particular feeling, for that matter.
It was just a s t r a n g e something that crawled under my skin and reached my head.

it happened today, this evening.
and it sure was something.
It was cold and dark and awfully silent.
I felt like I was nowhere

it was Jason's house i stood in front of.
but i could see many more in the neighborhood
with children in some
& the old in few
and televisions running some shows in the rest.

I felt like being a part of
a slow life

a quiet dream

like home sweet home

then a cat mewed, a dog barked, a squirrel ran past my legs

Jason took some time to come out
with him came the whiff of air that carried the smell that his house has
just like my home
but it didn't make me miss home

Rather,
it made me feel as if i knew this would happen to me,
a deja vu.

and then we went out and ate at some place like a normal Saturday.

but I liked the strange something that went into my head while I stood there in front of Jason's house today.
the smell, the silence & the sight
of nothing in particular
that tickled my senses
& filled my head
with the strange something.

on making the two worlds meet

like the two sides of black hole
like the two bread slices with cream
like the grounded mind & flying soul
like what it was till now and what it had never been

i make the two worlds meet


i push the earphones into my ears
& care no more
coz i make the two worlds meet

i like it today
i can completely forget tomorrow(its a saturday)
and sing along:

wo bheege pal

and you know what: they have all the windows open today at my place this evening.

on a restless thursday

i had always thought of an alternate universe as an old and repeated concept.
But the whole idea now seems new again
coz i think i have started spending a couple of hours living in it everyday.

these hours include the ones i spent talking (to sachin, rumi,friends, her & ghar)
and the hours i keep thinking about what i said and what they said and what was it all about.

the rest of it are the few hours spent with music

well!
the fact that all of my alternate universe is voices,
makes me define my universe as a black hole
and since black holes always lead to the other side
it takes me back to the real world,
the one that has days and nights, where you breathe & smell.

coming backto it makes me restless
just like today,
on a thursday

.....a pic every week from now on

and this one too

Tere Sawaalon ke wo jawab

on giving up

I G I V E U P.

COZ' IT'S OFTEN THE EASIEST OF THINGS TO DO.

((varun kishore))


the song this week:
Woh Bheege Pal

on nothing in particular

Hi all! "How's you doing today? You seem to have had a great weekend didn't you. Mine was not too bad. Hey don't forget to pass by tomorrow for the free pizza at noon. Cya around!"

a literary exhibit of the average good samaritan. They are always good and I have to play nice, always nice, coz only then I can be one of them.

I see good people at so many places. I see them

@ walmart
@ office
@ bus stop
@ Mc D
@ peepot (the guy peeing next to me always smiles. Why cant he mind his own small business at the peepot.

Hadn't my life been limited to only these places, they would have been everywhere, standing there with the ever so good smile, pissing me off. I know its not a bad thing to expect from a stranger,
but its strange.

And the best part is that if I dont respond exactly the way they do it, they think I am not a good man, they have discontent in their eyes, I can see that for sure.
Or they might think......just an Indian, new to the place.

What they are to me, is not real,
Just a smile, a seal.
To be true, they can't dare.
Why can't they be what they really are.

So I get back to my world, rather my universe(I call it my universe to make it sound large and interesting and thought provoking), back to the voices, back to me.

....on feeling good at 6

Let me give you a bit of the history attached with the story, before the story itself. What I feel now is happiness in some way, but it ain't exactly that. I should say I am into emotions, good emotions, so much so as to write about it.

Yesterday, It all started with a knock on my door. It was 6 am then. I had completely forgotten I had to go to a site visit to assist a fellow research assistant. So, I end up sitting next to him in the car in the next 5 minues (i missed on some of the morning essentials though[:P]) & after a while I fall asleep again, trapped in the seat belt.
The next 5 hrs are spent installing cameras, taking readings, photographs, talking to truck drivers & to my fellow researcher. He asks me if I have/had a girlfriend, coz he misses his, who he thinks has now moved on with someone else. The loading bay(our site) left me dirty, tired and just the bit ready for the trip back to the university for classes.

Classes from 12 am to 7 pm(its one of my busiest class schedules this week), with a few intermittent breaks, enough for a snack or two & then the desperate walk/run for the bus. On the bus, as usual, I see faces, a retarded guy talking funny to girls, houses made of wood, the green lake on 52 & the sky still lighted.
By the time, I reach my apartment, all that is on my mind is food. Luckily I had some left from yesterday. When done with eating, I sit on my chair, turn my computer on and ..........
i don't remember what happened next, coz i slept. Sometime in the night I dragged myself to the bed. I drooled(I know that for sure).

At 5 this morning, an hr & a half ago, I woke up, coz I was thirsty like hell.
At 5:05, I check my computer and I see her message: " hey

u thr??

are u thr??

or sleeping??"
It comes to me like a flash of light, I dreamt of her last night. The next half hr. its me, her[actually its just her voice :( ] & the voice lag that keeps interrupting the normal course of talk. She has been doing a lot of work this week, had been busy like hell, was very tired to go to work today & she missed me for all the obvious reasons( I know everyone of them)
Its 5:35, when we are done. I chance to see a few missed calls on my cell, its dad from last night. What a timing.
But I call Mom. She is happy today, not crying like usual on the phone. She talks about family, friends, foes[:P], funny things happening with Dad.....I talk about how busy I was, how I managed to cook something, some culinary tips from her. And I end up saying I miss you & I make her cry before saying bye.(God! I hate myself every time I do this.)
Its 6 and I feel like the most complete person on earth. I make people miss me & I make them cry. I feel super powerful.
And then before I could even think, I knew I was crying. I didn't cry when I was talking to her or to Her. I couldn't cry then coz I know I am not made that way.

So I sit to write down, to let it out, coz I think its too much work for the eyes alone..............................
I feel better now.

Its 6:00 & I remember all I missed doing yesterday, So I better be going.[:)]

GOOD EVENING INDIA !

on chocolate, girls & evenings

I was thinking of all the possible links when it comes to chocolate, girls & evenings.
I tried some:
# an evening with loads of girls around you, as intoxicating as chocolate in your system.
# girls eating chocolate bar while they chat with you at the bus stop this evening.
# the chocolate colored skin of an indian girl you touch not so accidentally, waiting for the bus this evening.


THE MOST PROBABLE ONE:
you eat your chocolate.
the girls have fun with their boyfriends.
the evening sucks, while you wait for the f***ing bus.


I am good at imagining things
coz it makes dealing with
evenings, easy;
the fact that there are no girls available for you, easier;
& addiction to chocolate, the easiest.

I am sure taking the easiest path.
What about you? [:P]

....on songs that are with me.... (for now)

they make it so easy for me to keep being me.
they squeeze my universe to my desk & my bathroom.
they help me stay away from whatever is rational, essential & normal.

on Abhi nahi aanaa

this one makes it so effortless for me to give a damn about anything (until i realize i live in a happy world)

on Tere Naina

this one makes it easy for me to stay awake through the weekend nights (until my first floor neighbors stop their usual weekend gala)

on Zara zara

this one brings back warmth, passion, love and what not (all that was borrowed & now taken back)

on Can't take my eyes off you

this one is for times when I miss being one of them ( )

for all other times I have HIMES BHAI..........[:P]
lets rock!