.....on YOU

there's still light outside my window.
there's wind, chillier now and there are birds & squirrels & the vanishing green.
In here there's me, there's music and there's no you.

sometimes i feel:

what if,
you never were real,
then you would always be my dream.
you would still make me want to find your face around.
you would still make me want to close my eyes to see you smile.
still make me write stories where you always ended up being mine.

what if,
i forgot you once & for all
and found the new you
start getting in love all over again
make stupid mistakes like before
try to know you inside out
& discover myself all over again.

there is this song, it takes me away from all that is real:

"she asks love not to make its way into her heart yet
wait! a bit more.
& when it does arrive ,she asks it to be slow,
to lose its way occasionally, to stumble on sweet nothings,
come to her like the slow wind.
don't wake her up yet, be her dream for a while.
she wants to feel love by waiting for it, dieing every moment for it."

I wish it happened to me. I would wait a little more, get a little more of that feeling in here.
I miss the pain in my heart.
that,which i dont feel anymore,
neither the pain nor the heart.............

courtsey:
"अभी नही आना, सजना|
थोडा मरने दे, इंतज़ार करने दे |"

"अभी ना जगाओ , बने रहो सपना,
अभी तो मैं चाहूँ आस लगाए रखना|
अभी नही आना, सजना|"

by : Sona Mohapatra

on a tuesday

/start counting::

#1. a ZERO credit class at 8 in the morning.

#2. a bus you just missed to catch.

#3. a hitch hiker's role you play for a while.

#4. a ridiculously chilly classroom that makes you want to pee in no time.

#5. a dumbass who asks a ridiculous quesion to extend the class by 5 full minutes.

#6. a dustbin close to your table in the RA office used by all passers by.

#7. a $2 meal at MacD that ends being a snack.

#8. a 2 hr lecture on programming where all i can do is nod in false approval of wisdom.

#9. a 3 hr gap before my TA work starts, till then i blog.

#0. a day, that keeps adding minuses to my total SUCK-o-METER.

on strangers

Yesterday at around 7 in the evening, a strange thought came to me.
I had not opened the window in my room ever since i arrived. why? coz i didn't need to, they had the aircon. on, all the time.( !***ing global warmers!)

but then i did open it. A warm breeze came in (nothing philosophical about it coz it happens all the time due to the temperature and pressure differences inside and outside) and i realised i should have done this by now. Not that I could see anything new outside. But it felt strange i hadn't done that by now. All the air in my room till today had been from the vent up there on the wall. All sounds from outside were blocked. All smell had been a mix of socks , shoes, deo, books, furniture and myself.
While I was in a fix, my roommate passed by and said-"Dude! what are u upto? the ac's on!" I said sorry and shut it down.
it seems an open window is a strange thing for him.

on CPM

CPM noun; vendor management (:P)

#1

****
They show me a black screen, with stupid white moving dots. They want me to believe the dots are trucks[:P] carrying excavated earth.
Simulation in construction process

_/---\_
O ....O



#2

Stocks, debentures, IPO, mergers, Inc., ........
They say small time entrepreneurs make up the highest percentage of players in the mad construction race working at as low as 3-4% profit and high risk of defaulting. This is lesser than what a bank pays you for a keeping a bank account.
This sucks



#3

Economy, owner/client, design-build, confrontation, dirt, politics, inflation....
They told me Zimbabwe is now facing a 4000 % inflation rate, so an apple costs 100 ZWD there. They added zeroes to the numbers on the existing currency notes! HILARIOUS.......dangerous!


CPM confusingly peculiar meaning .....of vendor management [:()]

on a rainy day

It rains a lot here and when it does, you tend to go back down the memory lanes coz thats all you can do. With Atif's "kuch iss tarah" in my ears, my soul goes out and drenches itself. It ain't enough for the dry Me.
I had a class today and it felt like its all the same. I yawned seven times, screeched my chair once, nodded each time the prof had her eyes on me and always kept track of the time left for the lecture to be over. The professor is a she, infact she was a DASA at IIT bombay. She told us that she came to purdue at a time when we were probably in our diapers. She is a Christian and she made this clear to us, i don't know why. But I like her. She is motherly in some ways. And she is an indian.

I will be working now the whole of this semester with a lawyer who comes every tuesday to purdue and teaches some legal shit.

My airtime for the cell has crossed 500 min. for this month and this shows how much i spend on voices, of people that were once too close to me to ever care to call them.

I wait to get into the bus everyday and when i get into the bus i wait to get down. I guess everyone is like this. You go carzy to get into stuff and crazier to get out. Do u get it? I couldn't. So I walked today and kept looking at every bus that passed by, didnt get in. Just kept looking at the people in them,then imagined how I would look sitting there.

I so want to cry today, may be watch a movie or listen to a song or going down the memory lane to a chapter in life. I come back to remembering coz thats all I can do.
But like sachin says-" its hard to let go!" its harder to stop recalling moments. I might need to add a few memorable ones. But without you, I can't.

So i wrote this comment to one of sachin's blog:
"you will have your salary in green
your bike in black
your beer in yellow
but you will miss a few
who color ur life in blue
one i'm sure is she
& the other of course is me."

till today

Till today I had been struggling. I had to fly away & then land in this place to feel indian. And they made me feel that by inviting me to the independence day celebration. Sachin says I should go. A senior says it feels odd when others watch you chanting the- jan gana man. But who cares for glares. the only problem is, I need to get up at 6 in the morning. This is where patriotism dies down. I will try my best like all these years at KGP.

The carpet everywhere in my apartment, the toilet/bath, the washer/dryer & the room heater are new to me. But essentially I am the same. I still like eating and listening to himesh's nasal splendor. I might pick up an accent only to make others understand me better. The place is a second KGP far away from city life. But it has all the ingredients of a cool place. A walmart, macDs, subways & too many bars make it cooler. And of course girls of varying color, size & smell.[:P]

Classes start next week, so I spend most of my time chatting with sachinwa (He has gone crazier. he send me this: http://www.thakurkainteqam.com/)

baaki sab theek hai!